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“It’s better to look good than feel good”

So says Billy Crystal in his role as Fernando Lama on SNL. “You look Mahvelous” he’d exclaim to all.

Too often we take outside appearance to mean all is well inside.

This struck me recently when a close friend commented on how great Nancy looked. Unknown to him, it had been a true ‘dragon’ day and she struggled to add a little makeup, dress her best, and put on a good appearance. We left early because she was fatigued and ached to the bone.

For years, I heard managers comment on employees when they went home during the day. “He didn’t look sick”. I’m not sure what they were looking for. I’ve visited many a patient at the hospital that didn’t look sick.

But aren’t we just as bad to quickly judge people? Can we tell in a glance when someone is having a ‘dragon’ day?

A few weeks ago, someone asked me how I was doing. Great, I responded. Doing well.

I lied. I’d only had a few hours sleep, I was stressed beyond belief, my knee was hurting like never before, and it seemed like bricks were being stacked on my shoulders.

“How’s things with you?”

“Going good, things are fine”.

A few days later I ran into him again.

“How are things?” I asked

“Great” he said. And he looked it. Tanned, well-groomed, I even commented on the fit of his suit.

“Oh, that. Well, I’m on my way to meet with XX and her attorney. She filed for divorce.”

It was then that I could see the pain in his eyes. I offered my sympathy.

“Yeah. The timing is great. I guess I don’t have to worry about her getting the house, though. I got the foreclosure notice yesterday.”

But he looked ‘mahvelous’.

So don’t be surprised when the next time we meet and I ask “How are you doing?” if I follow it up with “you are in my prayers”. I may not know what is going on in your life, but I know that life is messy, and sometimes “doing great” is a façade.

So, “How ya’ doing?”

Good…I’m praying for you.