The Winds of Change

It is something that has permeated the news and our thoughts for the past18 months (if not, how is life on mars?).

Change. We want it, but we fear it. Facing change in so many instances dictates our actions and reactions more than we realize. Some people say they embrace change, while others fear it enough to fight it. Clinging to the status quo. At my old job, we always joked about if you like change, just wait a few days and the company will change. Some of the biggest battles I had as a union rep were brought about because people couldn’t adapt to change.

Usually, I like change. Maybe it’s a result of my attention deficit disorder, or maybe I just don’t care for stagnation, for the feeling of ‘being in a rut’. Most of the time I face change head-on, rushing into it like a linebacker to a quarterback. But not all change is good. Sometimes change drops on us in return like the aforementioned linebacker, knocking us to the ground. One of the things we fear about change is our lack of control over it. It comes from nowhere and sometimes blindsides us.

As I sat with Max and Molly, I thought about the impact of changes over the past year. A sort of unplanned retirement, a son getting married, a granddaughter on the way, another son making the decision to leave college and come back home. Possible knee surgery in the very near future, then we have world-wide financial crisis that doesn’t just trickle down but becomes a torrential downpour. Some I have a degree of control over, some just happen and I go with the flow.

But as I wrangle to adapt to the changes, I look deeper. How do changes change us? Did the changes I’ve made make me a better person? I’d like to think so. I hope I’ve become a better father, with both kids back in town. I think retirement has been good in so many unexpected ways. The knee problems has certainly given me greater insight into the challenges and pitfalls of being handicapped. The financial crisis made me examine my priorities and my cluttered life of “stuff”.

And the most important change was brought about by the most drastic change, Nancy’s illness. My world changed that day unlike any other moment. Each and every day I struggle to understand the total impact on our lives. I no longer look at things the same way. My priorities were scrambled and I have begun a long process of reorganization of what is really important to me. This is not something done easily.

But one thing changed almost immediately, and that was my spiritual path. In war torn countries, people constantly have to take different routes due to the destructive nature of bombs on roads and bridges. Sometimes, they simply go off-road and create a new way.

I’ve pretty much always had a strong background in faith and ‘religion’, but this is new and uncharted territory for me. Some of my beliefs no longer seem on solid ground, and I spend days moving debris of old thoughts and theories. A ritual of spiritual self-examination is now becoming a morning ritual. In the series of books by Stephen Donaldson, the ‘hero’ Thomas Covenant is a leper and constantly has to scan himself physically to ensure there has been nothing damaging to his body. He has had to learn a higher degree of vigilance.

It is so easy to let circumstances and events change us for the worse, to become bitter and angry. To paraphrase Billy Graham, we can let our ‘milk of human kindness spoil’.

I hope that you too will start taking a little time to reflect, to question, and to realize that we need to scan our hearts as well as our bodies, that our spirits need to be examined, that we need to be vigilant in checking to be sure we are in good shape.

My song this morning is from LifeHouse; Winds of Change

in the still of the night it shines so clear
and the comfort of finding it here
and as I walk the night gets colder
and I know that I don't know
and it seems as I get older
my life goes over
in the winds of change

I guess nothing turned out like I planned
everything's sure to fall out of hand
and it takes a lot to find it
and it takes a lot I know
to believe that there is meaning
inside this moment
in the winds of change

as it turns you upside down
as confusing as it seems
keep your head high and your feet on the ground
and turn and chase your dreams
in the winds of change
****
PEACE